take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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