Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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