Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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