Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
