So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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