there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
God, I missed his penis.
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