she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
