Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she peed on how many people?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
