i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
