New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
