just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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