i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
