I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
