last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
