Don't you send me to vm
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
