I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
