Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
