I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
