Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
