He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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