he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
