guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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