its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
