just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
