I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
