GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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