Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
