Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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