i permit you to call me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
