Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
