my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
