dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize