He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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