My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
