Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
