I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish you could order shots online.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
