Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
