Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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