like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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