So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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