so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
