she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Someone came in the potted fern
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
