M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she woke up with a sticky ear
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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