You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There's always time for handjobs
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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