apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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