She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
