I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
