And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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