you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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