I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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