I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
