You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's just like the Real World with babies
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
