put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
