the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
