Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
