somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
