brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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