No stitches, just platelets and will power
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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