Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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