all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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