so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
