Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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