my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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