I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize