Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
