if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize