I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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