jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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