I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
