I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
