Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
