pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
