Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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