I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
