At least make sure they are 18
Why
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
