Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
