I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
