i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
