she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
