I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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